Why Children, Why Now?

Our blog post is meant to be us sharing thoughts, ideas, and convictions, as well as updating you on what is happening in our lives! This topic is something that has been pressing and weighing on our heart for quite some time, so we thought we would share it...

Before we begin, we feel lead to say 2 things:

1) This is not an attack on those who have waited to have children (whatever their reasons may be). It is not meant to be a rebuke, but an encouragement to think more deeply about what the Lord says about children and parenting. Whatever your decisions may be, it never hurts to be challenged in faith. 

2) As our pastor always used to say, "The normal is always sacrificed on the alter of the abnormal in this culture". We understand that there are always exceptions. We are not speaking to the exceptions (abnormal), but to the normal, everyday circumstance. 

"What, you're pregnant? Already? Was it an accident or were you trying? You know you guys are never going to get back this alone time together for a long time?"

All of these were very common questions we received when people heard that we were pregnant after only 8 wonderful months of marriage. It felt like we missed the memo on some sort of children-after-two-years rule. Yes, we were trying before the 2 year marker. Yes, we still had a lot of student loan debt to pay off. Yes, we were only just beginning to understand each other as "one flesh". Yes, we had absolutely zero idea of how in the world we were going to afford this baby (especially if Sarah planned to stay at home) - hospital bills, rent, baby furniture, gas, and groceries all cost money. None of our ducks "lined up", but our conviction to bear children was like a continuously building snowball. Easily ignored at the start but quickly beginning to build and with each passing month; the weight of the burden began to feel crushing, particularly for Sarah. 

So when did our change of heart come about? Why the sudden urge to grow up so quickly and take on all the responsibilities if mother and fatherhood? Honestly, it happened for Sarah about the day after our marriage, haha. Braden's conviction was slower in coming, but with the help of men in our church, followed shortly thereafter. Suddenly, that logical decision wasn't quite as amazing. We finally were capable of making a child (or children - twins run in the family after all!) but were continuously denying the opportunity of creating one. So the question is - why? Why the sudden change? Was it impulse? Desire? Conviction? Guilt? Maybe a little bit of all were mingled in, if we are totally honest. 

Surprisingly enough though, Sarah's first reaction to her pregnancy wasn't elation. It was - "Oh man... This was a mistake..." We were gripped with fear as a wave of understanding - real, tangible understanding - rushed over us; things were never going to be the same. We were going to have to take responsibility for something much greater than ourselves. And it was going to be hard. This understanding was petrifying in its own way. It was easy to forget why we had decided to embark on this journey. The terror, however, was also short-lived. The beauty of watching life appear in the womb in that first ultrasound is enough to bring any man and woman to their knees in praise and awe. Nothing compares to the moment when we realized that God was allowing us to play a part of the creation of a new life. We are but instruments in the hands of a God who does mighty, wondrous works.

People ask us, "why not wait?" But isn't it much more helpful to ask, according to God's word, "Why should we?" There are dozens of logical reasons to wait to have children, each one as convincing and compelling as the last, but few of these reasons lie in scripture. Slowly our hearts were brought to this question - do we believe God's word in its entirety or not? Psalm 127:3-5 says this, "Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!"

The word of God says that children are to be a heritage, meaning a valued gift passed down through generations. They are God's reward to us. Another translation reads that, "Children are a blessing from the Lord". Oh, to be blessed by God! Why would we ever deny such a precious gift? But the Word does not stop there. It says, "Blessed are the children of ones youth". Youth. It was no mere accident that God would tell us to have children in our youth. Does this not infer it is better for us to start having children sooner rather than later? Rachel Jankovac recently addressed this very topic in a post on the Desiring God Blog. In a just a few lines she summarized exactly what our initial hesitation was, and exactly why Sarah responded the way she did to the news of our baby. She says, 

"Our culture is simply afraid of death. Laying down your own life, in any way, is terrifying. Strangely, it is that fear that drives the abortion industry: fear that your dreams will die, that your future will die, that your freedom will die—and trying to escape that death by running into the arms of death.
Run to the Cross. 
But a Christian should have a different paradigm. We should run to to the cross. To death. So lay down your hopes. Lay down your future. Lay down your petty annoyances. Lay down your desire to be recognized. Lay down your fussiness at your children. Lay down your perfectly clean house. Lay down your grievances about the life you are living. Lay down the imaginary life you could have had by yourself. Let it go."

Article: Motherhood is a Calling (and Where Your Children Rank) 

And so it was with us. We were gripped with the fear of death, mainly in the area of finances. This baby was going to delay, or perhaps altogether prevent, our achievement of the American dream. When we became pregnant, the dreamy house with the perfectly manicured lawn and new cars in the driveway instantly slipped out of our reach. Our plan to annihilate our student loan debt evaporated when we decided that Sarah would be home with a child rather than earning an income. But what joy and peace we have remembering God's promise! Children, not money, are a blessing from the Lord and are our reward for faithfulness! And the joy our household will experience with this child far outweighs happiness we might have if the knob on our back door didn't fall off on a daily basis (true story).

We also hesitated to have a child because, if we are honest, we were quite happy without a child. Why ruin the short amount of time we have alone together? Why jump into a new life adventure - lets embrace the present. But really, deep down what we were saying was that we didn't trust that the Lord would give us the same or greater happiness if we were faithful to his command in Genesis to 1:28 to, "Be fruitful and multiply and subdue the earth". We were not 'ready' to bring life yet - but really, what does 'ready' even mean? Who could ever be ready?

Dr. Al Mohler says this in his sermon at a Next conference, “Men and women, instead of growing up are extending into a perpetual state of childhood”. Now, he was speaking in reference to people waiting to get married for various reasons (college, career, travel, etc.), but the saying is more than applicable in this situation as well. Our generation, more than any other before it, has an individualistic view of life. Our generation is known as the "Me Generation" - and rightly so. We have grown up learning to think that everything revolves around us and our happiness. It is impossible to not be affected by this thinking, especially if we do not have people encouraging us to do otherwise. In his sermon, Dr. Mohler argues that the longer we wait to grow up, to be 'ready', and the longer we spend focusing on doing the things we want to do before X or Y can happen, the harder it is to let go of self. One has spent so many years forming habits or pleasing and satisfying ones own needs and desires first, it makes the transition to oneness in marriage and family much more difficult. 

But children sharpen us like nothing else ever could. “We talk about training our children, but they first train us, teaching us many a sacred lesson, stirring up in us many a slumbering gift and possibility, calling out many a hidden grace and disciplinging our wayward powers into strong and harmonious character" (J.R. Miller - The Family). This is what our family has made this decision for. Yes, there were reasons to wait. But could they argue with the word of God and it's promises of blessing? No. Although the intention to wait have a child is not in itself sinful, making the decision without relying on faith and God's word is (Romans 14:23). When we closely studied and prayed about bearing children, we discovered that our resolution to wait was not founded on faith, but rather on fear and on self. We want to be renewed and sanctified and trust our lives fully in the promises of Christ knowing that what he calls us to do is never easy and is rarely the thing that we want at the time. And we want to run to that as soon as possible; why would we ever want to delay the gifts of God?

"When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world" (John 16:21). We are ready to forget that we ever questioned God's commands and promises as we experience the joy (Lord willing) of holding our beautiful baby boy in September. 

Please pray that we would be good, faithful parents in disciplining, loving, and raising our son in the fear and admonition of the Lord. Grace and Peace be to you all!

Braden and Sarah